Being Weak Is A Choice, So Is Being Strong

I have always considered myself “physically fit”. By no means do I have rock hard abs or a perfect lifted butt, but somehow fitness has always found a way to nudge itself into my life. I danced for eleven years, played basketball and tennis for two, then when high school ended and the notorious “freshman 15” was floating around in my head, I decided to hit the gym.

You either love it or you hate it, and I couldn’t get enough. What sparked my addiction was kickboxing and I was literally hooked. I was able to punch and kick a bag as hard as I wanted without being judged? I’m in. Before I knew it, I could actually start to see myself gain muscle, different muscles compared to when I danced, I felt strong.

Since I was on such a fitness hype, I wanted to try nearly everything I could. I decided to drop into a Zumba class, taught by the same kickboxing instructor. At this point, Zumba was a rising form of exercise, combining latin dances with high intense cardio, I knew I would be a pro, I danced.

Zumba was the perfect fit for me (like I didn’t already predict that). So, for my first few years at school I was attending back to back classes, each an hour. I don’t know the exact moment it happened but I changed. I was no longer enjoying myself, I had pushed my physical and mental state too far.

If I missed a work out, I would feel guilty. Reflecting on it now, that’s insane! I felt guilty for not exercising?! I became obsessed with the scale, constantly counted calories and would even miss going out with friends because I was afraid indulging would make me gain copious amounts of weight. I no longer felt strong but weak, something was obviously wrong.

Then, I made one of the best and hardest decisions I had ever made, I took a break from the gym. I pressed pause on my fitness life and focused on my mental health.

Can’t say it didn’t pay off. I just finished one of my final semesters with a 3.85 GPA, I gained control over my emotions and overall feel happier the past few months. I can now firmly say, I am ready to go back, but this time it will be different.

Leaving the gym gave me a whole new perspective:

 I have more time to myself . “Me time” is crucial and I now know to incorporate this time into my life. I learned to enjoy my own company, fitness isn’t everything, it’s important but not worth risking my metal state for.

I miss it. Leaving has made me miss the gym incredibly. I actually jumped back on the band wagon a few weeks ago and have never felt better.

Motivation. Not going to lie, I no longer feel physically strong, I am not out of shape but I am definitely not toned like I used to be. I have more motivation to get my physical strength as strong as my mental strength.

For me, I was lucky, I was able to see what I was doing to my body and put a stop to it. My strength grew out of my own weakness. I knew somehow fitness would nudge it’s way back to me, like it always has.




3 thoughts on “Being Weak Is A Choice, So Is Being Strong”

  1. Wow that is entirely different prespective of strength and weakness. You took decision which suited you at that very moment of your life and which was necessary for you too.
    You were too much in your workout and fitness and losing your life in that process.
    Glad to know that you are fine and doing well and hope you will get back to your workout soon.
    Wish you a very happy new year Kelly.

    Liked by 1 person

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